Tonight’s blog belongs in the category of sexual and mental health. It is very important for your sexual health and your mental wellbeing to compose a list of your 5 favorite hot famous dudes. I sat down with notable sister Emmy “Demmy” Dingdong to get to the bottom of this important health topic.
SEMI: Ok, Emmy, who is on your top 5 list?
Emmy: I don’t know, I’m pretty picky.
SEMI: Anybody of note can be on your top five.
Emmy: Ok…. young James Spader.
SEMI: No, the top five list isn’t a time machine. It must reflect the status quo.
Emmy: I think Ben Affleck seems pretty quality. Except for the whole J.Lo thing.
Emmy: You can’t veto my top five!
SEMI: I can.
Emmy: Fine. George Clooney.
SEMI: mmmmmm hmmmmmm
Emmy: I don’t know. Who else? I’m not into actors.
SEMI: Like I said, it can be anybody of note, such as New Mexico congressional hunk Martin Heinrich.
Emmy: Who is that?
SEMI: What about Ryan Reynolds?
Emmy: Yeah, him. I like the muscles on his arms. I like that he tried to date Alanis Morissette.
SEMI: Dude, you are so right. What about John Hamm, too? Remember John Hamm’s john ham?
Emmy: Yeah, he’s sexy.
SEMI: Ok, you’ve got three. We need to flesh this list out a little more.
Emmy: I don’t know. YOU come up with some names!
SEMI: I gave you John Hamm and Ryan Reynolds!
Emmy: Yeah, I guess. Do you know what the ‘multi-tasking face’ Bare Minerals is?
SEMI: No, stay on task.
Emmy: Ok, prompt me more.
SEMI: Well, you like silver foxes. What about Ed Harris?
Emmy: I will shoot you.
SEMI: I think Ed is kinda sexy.
Emmy: Eww. Sick.
Emmy: Why are you writing all of this down? Stop writing. I want people to think I’m cool.
SEMI: Don’t worry. I’m just taking notes.
Emmy: I guess I don’t have a top five. Just George Clooney.
SEMI: What about Billy Bush?
SEMI: Seriously, I think I’m the only one that thinks he’s kind of attractive. Him and Seacrest.
Emmy: Get help.
So, dear readers, you can see how a person’s Top Five is a vital part of the health history, since it can reveal underlying psychiatric disturbances. This is a very powerful screening tool, and should be used at each and every health visit to screen for mental illness.
P.S. After reading this, it’s probably impossible to believe that I got me my own NEWSPAPER column, but, lo and behold, I did, and it debuts this week. Details to be posted soon!
Addendum: We’ve since added Matt Damon and Nathan Fillion (described as “pretty cute”) to the list of potentials.