Top 5

Tonight’s blog belongs in the category of sexual and mental health. It is very important for your sexual health and your mental wellbeing to compose a list of your 5 favorite hot famous dudes. I sat down with notable sister Emmy “Demmy” Dingdong to get to the bottom of this important health topic.

SEMI: Ok, Emmy, who is on your top 5 list?

Emmy: I don’t know, I’m pretty picky.

SEMI: Anybody of note can be on your top five.

Emmy: Ok…. young James Spader.

SEMI: No, the top five list isn’t a time machine. It must reflect the status quo.

Emmy: I think Ben Affleck seems pretty quality. Except for the whole J.Lo thing.

SEMI: Veto.

Emmy: You can’t veto my top five!

SEMI: I can.

Emmy: Fine. George Clooney.

SEMI: mmmmmm hmmmmmm

Emmy: I don’t know. Who else? I’m not into actors.

SEMI: Like I said, it can be anybody of note, such as New Mexico congressional hunk Martin Heinrich.

Emmy: Who is that?

SEMI: What about Ryan Reynolds?

Emmy: Yeah, him. I like the muscles on his arms. I like that he tried to date Alanis Morissette.

SEMI: Dude, you are so right. What about John Hamm, too? Remember John Hamm’s john ham?

Emmy: Yeah, he’s sexy.

SEMI: Ok, you’ve got three. We need to flesh this list out a little more.

Emmy: I don’t know. YOU come up with some names!

SEMI: I gave you John Hamm and Ryan Reynolds!

Emmy: Yeah, I guess. Do you know what the ‘multi-tasking face’ Bare Minerals is?

SEMI: No, stay on task.

Emmy: Ok, prompt me more.

SEMI: Well, you like silver foxes. What about Ed Harris?

Emmy: I will shoot you.

SEMI: I think Ed  is kinda sexy.

Emmy: Eww. Sick.


Emmy: Why are you writing all of this down? Stop writing. I want people to think I’m cool.

SEMI: Don’t worry. I’m just taking notes.

Emmy: I guess I don’t have a top five. Just George Clooney.

SEMI: What about Billy Bush?

Emmy: (laughs)

SEMI: Seriously, I think I’m the only one that thinks he’s kind of attractive. Him and Seacrest.

Emmy: Get help.


So, dear readers, you can see how a person’s Top Five is a vital part of the health history, since it can reveal underlying psychiatric disturbances. This is a very powerful screening tool, and should be used at each and every health visit to screen for mental illness.

P.S. After reading this, it’s probably impossible to believe that I got me my own NEWSPAPER column, but, lo and behold, I did, and it debuts this week. Details to be posted soon!

Addendum: We’ve since added Matt Damon and Nathan Fillion (described as “pretty cute”) to the list of potentials.


2 Responses to Top 5

  1. Susan S says:

    Just say yes to Gordon Sumner…sigh…

  2. ma-giggles says:

    okay, these aren’t in order.
    rudy youngblood. but only how he looks in apocalypto, with the hair, piercing, and little outfit.
    cillian murphy. any day.
    johnny depp
    james franco
    close cuts would include ryan gosling and jason segel.

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